It's not just you
by fluffychocolate
Summary: Zero and Kaname need to get things clear; meaning they need to start confessing both their mistakes and feelings. Song-fic!Kinda-AU? One-shot.


**Hello! This is my FIRST V.K fic and…it would be lovely to hear that my efforts I used don't go in vain. Anyhows, this is set when…well kinda AU I guess? **

**Kaname and Zero—in this fic—has spent a few months together and they need to actually GET SOMWEHERE with their existent-non-existent [if you actually got what I mean…] relationship. But then Kaname is overly protective and Zero is confused and angry and somehow it all works out. **

**Underlined are lyrics from the song. Some of them are in brackets because I didn't know how to fit them in with the rest of the dialogue and I also cut out some words. I.E. Baby, because Kaname wouldn't dare to call Zero that when they're not even…developed. **

**P.S- The song is: It's not just you. And its by: Nasri. [[IABSOLUTELYLOVEIT!]]**

**Enjoy?**

* * *

**It's not just you.**

"Zero…" Kaname hesitated; he knew exactly that it was his fault this was happening…**again.**

"No Kaname, just **no**." Zero carried on shoving his necessities into his duffle bag.

"Zero, just let me sa—"

"**No.**"

Kaname knew he had this coming…it just hurt more than he'd expected because he actually had let it come to _this_. He'd once again opposed to the idea of long term hunter missions. How could he just bear to just wait and see if Zero came out okay for, for **months**? It was selfish, yes. It was heart-aching to see Zero's furious pair of lovely lavender eyes glisten in frustrated tears, yes. And it took all of Kaname's strength not to drop his knees and beg for forgiveness each and every time, _yes_. But this time, Kaname thought, it was unquestionably the time to do now. This time he had to take action.

Kaname just realized that Zero had stopped moving. Stop packing his bags. **Thank god.**

[Darling, I know your heart has seen better times.]

The brunette whispered tiredly, "Zero, I know we've been through better times…"

Was it obvious that he was waiting for Kaname to sort this out **again**? Zero hopefully thought that it wasn't, one because it was embarrassing, but two because he _never_took action to help them heal again. Whether it was his foolish pride or non-commitment to their relationship he did not know. And like all the other times, he kept his back facing towards Kaname as he listen with unbearable _hope_ that they wouldn't _**break apart**__. _It was pathetic he knew. He loved a pureblood, yet he was an ex-human _and _a hunter from a proud, famous line of the Kiryuu's. He wanted them to be together, yet it seemed as though the world was totally opposed to the mere idea of the thought. He was helplessly starting to feel like Romeo or Juliet; they were from different families, they both had high statuses in society and their love was utterly forbidden. _Why?_

[I know our songs have better rhymes, before today.]

"I know we've gotten along and managed to solve our problems, however hard it was, before today. I know that this is…_selfish_," Kaname winced outwardly at the word and how it came out, hopelessly weak and in need, "I guess…"

[Darling, I guess I made the wrong mistakes.]

"I guess I made the wrong mistakes."

Inside, Kuran Kaname was crumbling painfully, well aware of how it was an announcement of surrender. Zero, however, wasn't one to think like straight away—or so he hoped. It was one of the things that he adored in Zero's tough personality; how he never seemed to give a _shit _about anyone and how they act. Because just as long as they're not hiding their real nature from him they would get proper respect from him. And how Kaname wanted the respect and the return of admiration from the hunter; the return of some _**love**_. The pureblood gulped and carried on, knowing that if he failed this, he'd probably fail to live as well when Zero left.

"I understand if you need your space." Which inadvertently meant, take some time to think and _**please **_don't leave me, "Please take your time."

Zero was in shock. Of all the time in their relationship, and even before it when he'd known the stuck up vampire, Zero had never heard Kaname say things so…_humanly._ Humanly with such immense emotions leaking out via his voice from under his carefully perfected mask. It was shocking, and completely heart-aching. He knew that he might be ridiculously stubborn on this issue, but he could not simply let his opportunity of being a hunter go. You could say that he foolishly let his past life dream take over his reins of control. He just _**needed**_ to prove that he wasn't _just _a damned bloodsucker. That he wasn't _just _some thrall in Kuran Kaname's palms. That he wasn't _just _letting someone else take complete reign over his heart, life, world…that he wasn't just letting love getting ahead of his judgment.

"But, let me just say, before you go away…" Zero held his breath.

[So far away…] Kaname purposely left this important bit out.

"You need to realize…" And Zero felt his heart jump, as if waiting for Kaname to say _something_. He did not know what, but _**something**_.

A kind of explanation, statement…_words_ that would make their relationship grow and thrive because regardless of how he said he would leave permanently, he knew that he would succumb to his heart and come back.

"Zero, it's not just you," Yes, Zero really did need to know this; it was his last trump card in this wild game of _love_, "You know it hurts me too…"

"Watching you leave, " Kaname seriously wanted his mouth to stop drying up, because this trump card of his was severely dangerous if used the wrong way…since he had to state some of the things that Zero _**hated**_. "With tears on your sleeve…"

He could see Zero's body tense, but he still stayed in the same position and hoped that he didn't make the wrong mistake. He could not know what Zero was thinking…

But Zero did.

It was mostly a mixed jargon of: '_He noticed_?' confusion and mad rages of '_**What is he trying to get at here?!**_"

Little did Kaname know that while a part of Zero's mind was absorbed into self-cursing, the other was patiently waiting for that _**something**_ to come from the pureblood's mouth. The something that would take Zero's breath away and make his heart take over his brain and reasoning. Because, strangely, there was something _wrong _with their relationship. Something was missing.

Kaname held in another wince at the silence he was greeted with, his eyes were already gaining a surface of moistness, fogging up his eyesight considerably well. He made sure his breathing was even and non-suspicious, before he launched himself in his doubt again.

But then again, if you admitted something equally…damaging to your pride, it usually meant that it was then equal on both sides, neutral, safe. Make or break Kaname thought frantically, "Zero, notice that mine aren't exactly dry..."

Yes, there were some days that he _thought _that he'd smelt salty, recent tears…but he couldn't bring himself to actually believe that Kaname would let someone like _him _to be able to hurt his heart so easily. They weren't in any sort of _deep _relationship. They hadn't even confessed properly to each other yet, both of them understandingly swerved from the subject. He didn't even know why he was giving Kaname a chance.

"Zero,it's not just you_...__" _This really was a dangerous amount of personal information to spill out, Kaname thought wryly in the back of his mind as he struggled to get the right words out, struggled to keep '_this'_ **alive**.

Kaname was sometimes so reckless, Zero noted. So reckless, yet his recklessness works; Zero could feel it already, but his heart refused to let Kaname out of his misery just yet, he wanted to hear that '_**something' **_that he couldn't put into words.

"That's hurting, it's me too…" He was done, but Zero still wasn't responding, he was just _**standing **_there. What did he want to _hear _from Kaname to make him stay? _**What was it he needed? **_

Occasionally, Kaname would go through a frustrating period of time where—usually after an argument with Zero—where he would sink deep down in his office seat and think. Think…why did he love the arrogant, beautiful boy so much? Zero, in the last few months or so—the time they'd spent together officially as an 'item'—, never spared him and their relationship a second thought—or at least that was what it looked and felt like—he just ran away from his problems, leaving Kaname to pick up the pieces all over again, only to have it happen a few days later. It was so annoying, so irritating, yet for Zero he'd do anything. The only reason Kaname hadn't thrust Zero into a particularly solid steel wall was because each and every time he prepared to, he remembered all the things that Zero _**is. **_

Zero is an exceptionally peculiar and hard to find light, hiding _within _the shadows, you had to find him yourself. He'd never just come before you and not let you do any work. Zero is the one person who never thought of him as some kind of deity.

Zero is pure _**beauty**__._

"I'm sorry," Kaname hoped that this would result in something, "I wasn't there to catch the fall..."

It was clear what Kaname was talking about. It was a tentative subject for Zero, since that was when Touga Yagari had been _killed_. During that period of time Kaname and Zero starting to form a delicate friendship and so Zero had been depending on Kaname to _comfort _him, or to _talk _to him at least. Unfortunately, Kaname was stuck in a business meeting halfway across the world.

If they were in the kind of relationship like they had now, Kaname would've postponed everything and ran/travelled by his vampire speed just to get to Zero as fast as possible. But at that time, they weren't.

"I didn't hear you when you called…" No, Kaname just ignored his cell phone and proceeded to go through with his work.

"All of those nights," It had happened before. There were many other nights where Kaname didn't appreciate Zero's friendship and then after a period of time, love. When that incident happened though, Zero was severely saddened…damaged. Kaname returned back to Cross academy to find a lifeless Zero who didn't even acknowledged his existence. He then learned that Yuuki couldn't comfort him because it was partially her fault, she had accidently been hurt by Yagari and when some of her faithful vampires attacked him for her, she was lost in her—vampire—rage. When she'd regained her normal self back she felt utterly guilty and was crying freely. However, it was easy for Zero to see that she didn't care about _Yagari's _death much; she was only worried about him and the pain she caused for _him_ and not _Yagari_.

Zero did not and could not accept her apologies.

If Kaname had to say when he thought their relationship actually started, it would've been from that night, where Kaname had confronted him to get him to apologize to _Yuuki_ and the emotionless doll cracked and revealed a pained, broken person who was mourning in silence. Because the one he so deeply trusted didn't even feel bad for letting his father-like figure _die_. Because he had no one whom he could let his pride disappear and show them that he was actually desperately in need of someone who would _listen_.

* * *

"_How could you!" Zero had screamed, "How could you just ask ME to forgive her?!_

"_SHE LET THEM __**KILL **__HIM! SHE LET THEM __**KILL**__ YAGARI-SENSEI! _

"_She let them kill my __**parent**__…" The last sentence was accompanied with tears. His voice was hoarse and Kaname could see his sadness, and his desire to have someone to be on __**his **__side._

"_She let them kill my sensei, my other __**father**__…yet why does everyone feel as though __**I'm **__guilty? Almost as if __**I **__should apologize…"_

"_Zero…" _

"_I'm dying here Kaname, I'm __**dying**__." _

_And so Zero broke down._

"_I just can't __**do **__this anymore, I just…__**can't**__!" To Kaname's surprise and horror, Zero pulled out his Bloody Rose and aimed at his temple, "I think I might as well get this over and done with, tell the chairman I'm sorry for letting him down."_

"_No, Zero! What do you think you're doing?!" _

_Zero looked directly into his eyes, "I'm letting myself free—from Yuuki, from Cross, and….from __**you**__." _

_Then Zero look positively satisfied with his confession and let go of the trigger._

_**BANG**__._

* * *

The pureblood had just nudged Zero enough so that the bullet brushed his nose. Nonetheless, after that shocking show of suicide, Kaname himself took the liberty of looking after Zero. Then he also took the initiative of getting Yuuki to understand that, even if Yagari was a sadistic vampire hunter who didn't show that much affection for Zero, the silver haired student _needed _him because he was the only guardian he had that knew him as a human; as a dear student, practically as a son. And also that Yagari did indeed care for Zero deep down because he always seemed to scan Zero every time he met him, for injuries, both physical and emotional.

"Please don't forget the good days with me," Kaname's voice was starting to break…"I can make back the heart-aching beat."

Why, Zero thought, Kaname was certainly starting to get poetic. And he definitely had a charm for it, because it didn't sound sappy or…lovey-dovey what-so-ever. The back of his eyes started to burn, Kaname was also a hopeless romantic who was never satisfied… dangerously vulnerable to start begging like this…guilt started digging into his heart. Then, damn Kaname for making him remember, images appeared in his head.

* * *

**[[****----"Zero! Happy birthday!" Kaname's blindingly perfect smile. **

**----Kaname's melodic laugh as he hugged him, "I love you Zero."**

**----The regal pureblood grinned and grabbed Zero, making them both fall ungracefully into the pool.**

**----"Z-Zero…nghhh, ah!"]]**

* * *

"When it gets dark and it's hard to see, I'll turn on the lights, so…" What are you _doing_ Kaname?! You should know that things like this **don't **make me happy. Really. Something wet trailed down Zero's cheek. _Honestly._

[Before you go away, so far away…]

"I really need you to know," Kaname whispered, risking a step forward.

"Believe me Zero, it's not just you, you know it hurts me too."

[Watching you leave, with tears your sleeve.]

Since the nearly broken down vampire smelt some of Zero's tears, he figured it wasn't the greatest time to mention the tears again. Neither was he going to notify Zero again about _his _tears, once was enough, he knew that Zero was an attentive person.

[Notice that mine are not exactly dry. Baby, it's not just you that's hurting, it's me too.]

And suddenly everything was clear. Kaname was _not _just going to let Zero _walk away_. He was going to get the boy back no matter what stands in his way. It might take a while before Zero is willing to accept that he indeed cares for Kaname a whole lot more than a friend, it might sound over-confident, but who else would the silver-head go to? Zero was _his._

Forever _his._

And _no one_ else's.

Zero was the person Kaname wanted to spend his life with, if not with death and beyond.

Determined, the brunette positioned himself behind Zero, not touching but close enough for Zero to feel his warmth…and heavy breathing. There was a small period of silence as Kaname stumbled through his mind to find the right words to say.

Zero himself was planning to say something himself, however, he was not sure whether he was forgiving Kaname or not. He had an answer for each situation yet he was now temporarily stunned into paralysis. As soon as he sorted out his head he was going to ki—

_Clasp._

K-kill Kaname! Just as soon as Kaname let go of his waist of course.

"I'm not giving up," The pureblood's voice sounded sure, definite…"You don't have to leave."

He abruptly twisted Zero to face him, in the hunter's shock, he found himself staring at Kaname surprised. Then he quickly lowered his face as his eyes were still filled with tears.

Kaname let a small, sad smile grace his face and knelt down so that he could Zero without lifting his head, "I am willing to beg 'till I break my knees, I believe in us, don't give up on me…"

A single tear dropped onto Kaname's face, Zero couldn't bring himself to look away from Kaname, "Zero, *I know that you're hurting and I'm sorry for the pain. I promise that I'll change…"

The elder vampire let his tears cascade down his face without shame, this was _Zero _he was with, and something like this would never get him ashamed in front of Zero.

Zero's breath hitched as he desperately wanted to grab that face and kiss away the offending tears, he could feel himself slowly lowering himself down to kneel in front of Kaname.

"Forgive me, forgive me," whispered Kaname, the smile had long left his beautiful, graceful face. It was the last words that Kaname could force out before breaking down, trying not to hyperventilate.

Zero didn't give a damn about pride now—look at Kaname!—and he swept Kaname into his arms and hurriedly swiped his fingers across his cheeks, sending away the tears. As Kaname rested his head on Zero's chest his shoulders shook.

_N-no, Zero please don't leave me._ _I need to say more, I need to make sure Zero doesn't __**go. **_

"Shh, Kaname…" Zero patted his back comfortingly to signal that he didn't need to say anything more. Since Kaname'd been pretty poetic before, Zero decided to do something a little cheesy as well…since his mind had been cleaned up neatly, and revealing his final answer.

"Kaname, it's not just you," Zero muttered under his breath, very greatly embarrassed, but he pushed on knowing that Kaname wouldn't be crying with this, he'd be _happy_, "You know it hurts me too…"

Then he added something of his own—although _very _quietly. He knew that it was about time that _one of them _should say something about their feelings…" 'Cause I love you."

Kaname stopped shivering, shaking and froze. Froze because Zero just said that _he loved him_…froze because Zero was so damn _sweet_, _cute_…_**loving**_.

"Watching you leave with tears on your sleeve," From the way Kaname wasn't responding, Zero cursed himself inwardly.

[Don't you notice?]

"Notice that mine aren't exactly dry..." Kaname still wasn't saying anything.

[Not exactly dry…]

"Kaname, it's not just you. You know it hurts me too."

"Zero…" And Zero felt his heart leap and jump into a frantic pace, w-what was going to happen now?!

"We had it all," Kaname continued, "We really did, we just needed more time…how could we fall? I thought we would **never** die…"'

"K-Kaname…we're d-dead?" And so Zero's heart nearly burst out of his ribs.

"No, Zero," Kaname lifted his head and smiled through his bitter tears, "I _thought _then, but I _know _now…"

"…fuck you Kaname."

Their lips met together gently, molding themselves perfectly over the other. Slowly Kaname broke it and rested his head in Zero's perfectly curved neck.

"I love you too Zero."

_**The end. **_

* * *

**Zomgosh one more thing, the bold looked good on Word but...it kinda kills MY eyes when I read it here, I hope it doesnt kill yours too...**


End file.
